In times of loss, the pain we feel can be sharp and overwhelming, leaving us with a void that’s hard to fill. Recently, I went through such a loss—a beloved relative who left us far too soon. Amid my grief, I noticed the young children in the family silently shouldering their sadness, as if strength meant not showing their tears. Watching them, I felt a profound sadness—not just for the life lost but for the burden they felt they had to bear alone.
This scene brought to mind Emotional Intelligence, a powerful concept introduced by psychologist Daniel Goleman. Goleman taught us that emotional intelligence isn’t just about recognizing our feelings; it’s about knowing how to process and express them. His work suggests that true strength lies not in hiding our pain but in understanding, accepting, and sharing it.
In Emotional Intelligence, Goleman emphasizes that suppressing emotions can lead to greater distress, especially in times of grief. Instead, he advocates for emotional regulation—a process not of stifling our feelings but of engaging with them in ways that support our well-being. When we avoid facing our pain, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to process it, which can make healing even harder.
Watching the children, so small yet so brave, I realized that I, too, had been holding my grief in silence, thinking it made me stronger. But emotional intelligence, as Goleman explains, teaches us that real resilience is found in vulnerability. When we open up about our feelings, we create a space for connection—a reminder that we are not alone.
Goleman also discusses self-compassion, the idea of treating ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a friend. During grief, we often judge ourselves harshly, either for feeling too much or not enough. But self-compassion allows us to embrace our emotions without criticism, accepting that it’s okay to feel hurt, to cry, and to reach out for support.
In the quiet strength I saw in those children and in my own journey, I found a powerful reminder: Emotional intelligence is not a sign of weakness; it’s a skill that allows us to navigate loss with courage and connection. By expressing our grief, we honor our humanity, build resilience, and deepen our bonds with those around us. And in doing so, we find the true strength that comes from letting our emotions be seen, felt, and shared.
To anyone struggling with the weight of grief, I hope you find comfort in this: it’s okay to let others see your pain. That vulnerability is where true strength lies—because when we share our grief, we find healing and connection, becoming stronger together.